Remember what you wanted to be?

On the drive home from work today I saw a bumper sticker that I’ve never seen before. It read “Remember what you wanted to be?” As bumper sticker philosophy goes, this was pretty heady. I spent the rest of my drive thinking about it… Thinking back to when I was a young person with my whole life ahead of me… Trying to remember what my dreams were; whether or not I achieved those dreams and whether or not it matters. 

I can’t remember really wanting to be anything until I was in high school in Rochester, NY. You often hear parents say “Ever since he was a little child he wanted to be…” this or that. I just can’t remember that far back. I do have a memory of drawing a picture on a chalk board in our kitchen in St. Louis. I must have been maybe 6 or 7. It was a drawing of a bikini. I remember my mom made me erase it when she saw it. It may sound silly, but the truth is that drawing was an indication of what I wanted to be – or at least what my interests would be; art and beauty. A few years after that, I remember getting into taking black and white photos with my parents’ Kodak brownie camera. I took my first multi-exposure photo with that camera… by mistake. The camera shutter could be released with or without winding the film and I had simply forgotten to wind the camera. I was very proud of that accidental “work of art.”

My mother and I moved to Rochester during the summer between 7th and 8th grade. I recall doing a humorous PA announcement with a buddy at Our Lady of Lourdes grade school in Rochester. I “wrote” it. I can only remember that I was “Frank Buzzard” and my friend was “Colonel George Bologna” and that, when I returned to my home room after the announcement, my classmates all applauded. Obviously that marked the beginning of a career in the creative arts.

When I got to Brighton High School I took my first photography class along with lots of theater related extra curricular activities. We didn’t have much money; not even enough to buy a used 35mm camera for me to use in photography class. So my friends pooled their money and either tried to buy a camera for me or actually did – I can’t remember which, but it really doesn’t matter because just the fact that they wanted to do something so special speaks volumes about how dear those friends were to me and how much they influenced my life. My first camera was a 35mm Mamiya-Sekor 500TL. That camera was the only camera I owned until my dad died some 25 years later.

Photography was my love and has remained so to this very day. However, in high school I also touched a video camera for the first time. At that time, 35mm SLR cameras were becoming more and more popular. It seemed that anyone with enough money to buy one suddenly thought they were a professional photographer. I distinctly remember thinking that I should get into video rather than pursue a career in photography because “No one will ever be able to afford a video camera!” Ha!

I directed my first videos in high school. My very first attempt was a story about a rape that my friends had written. I was the Director of Photography. Although the school had video cameras, it didn’t own any video editing equipment. So everything had to be shot in sequence and edited “in camera.” To make matters worse, the old 1/2″ reel-to-reel video recorder (in those days the camera and recorder were separate pieces) did not make clean edits when you started and stopped recording. So I had to devise clever ways to mask the noisy transitions by zooming into walls or rack focusing at the end of a scene. That short video ended up airing on the local CBS television station and a career was born.

I moved back to St. Louis and majored in television production in college. I also got a part-time and then full time job working at the college’s instructional television department as a director. In my spare time I co-created a documentary-style show for public access cable television called “American Cornucopia.” I remember one episode was about the New Madrid fault line. While working in instructional television, I met two friends who introduced me to the 1904 World’s Fair – which would later be the subject of my first feature-length documentary.

From there I was hired as a video director at Emerson Electric. That job took me on shoots all over the world. It’s also where I met two of the most important people in my life; my best friend, Dave, and my wife, Denise.

I worked day and night learning everything I could about every aspect of television production and every type of production, while continuing to do photography as a hobby (and sometimes as a paying job). Eventually I ended up at my dream job as a director at the oldest and largest production facility in St. Louis, Technisonic Studios.

While at Technisonic, I met Scott Huegerich – who ended up suggesting we work together to create a documentary for PBS about the 1904 World’s Fair. That co-directing partnership was the most enjoyment I’ve had in what has been a very enjoyable career. The film opened at the historic Fox Theatre in St. Louis and did indeed air over 550 times on PBS stations across the country.

As I reflect on it, I realize I sort of did get where I wanted and needed to be. Heck, if I do a documentary on bikinis my life will have come full circle! Wink!

BTW, the photo of me in the wagon was found in my dad’s wallet when he passed away. He had been carrying it with him – along with photos of my siblings – for nearly 40 years.